ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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