CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
not ubering you a puppy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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