Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
