I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
