I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
