I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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