dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
