...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Girls should come with a carfax report
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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