that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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