She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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