I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
