I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
