Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
