um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
