So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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