can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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