the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
