she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
