and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
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You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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