Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
