oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The air taste purple.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
