You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I sprained my soul last night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
