Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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