Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
