it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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