This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
