Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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