all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
