Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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