I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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