I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
