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• (631): View more from New York

  If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis

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  23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...

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• (818): View more from California

  That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..

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  21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I got inside last night via doggy door

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• (985): View more from Louisiana

  Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole

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• (760): View more from California

  I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.

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