the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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