Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Randomize
Follow @tfln