If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I got inside last night via doggy door
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.