Texts From Last Night

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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

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  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (214) Good night (52477) Bad night (3134)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"

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  (903): I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition" http://tfl.nu/bud7
  Replies (8) Good night (1273) Bad night (3187)
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  (831): View more from California

  I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.

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  (831): I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures. http://tfl.nu/n0ak
  Replies (3) Good night (3563) Bad night (625)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.

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  (715): apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night. http://tfl.nu/2r4z
  Replies (6) Good night (4416) Bad night (933)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.

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  (410): Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on. http://tfl.nu/o94m
  Replies (15) Good night (4690) Bad night (1453)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.

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  (850): We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun. http://tfl.nu/0mma
  Replies (10) Good night (3907) Bad night (1122)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.

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  (330): I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse. http://tfl.nu/kxn7
  Replies (2) Good night (2039) Bad night (887)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.

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  (804): by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious. http://tfl.nu/gquc
  Replies (2) Good night (2741) Bad night (708)
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  (949): View more from California

  how did we start talking about space blow jobs?

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  (949): how did we start talking about space blow jobs? http://tfl.nu/0fha
  Replies (14) Good night (1770) Bad night (619)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross

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  (616): She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross http://tfl.nu/ueo2
  Replies (18) Good night (1126) Bad night (3043)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!

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  (571): Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?! http://tfl.nu/2zl4
  Replies (5) Good night (1889) Bad night (693)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.

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  (734): The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes. http://tfl.nu/6htc
  Replies (2) Good night (860) Bad night (543)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.

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  (617): Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though. http://tfl.nu/qelj
  Replies (4) Good night (511) Bad night (934)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.

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  (908): I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season. http://tfl.nu/j0x5
  Replies (2) Good night (699) Bad night (328)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking

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  (+44): I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking http://tfl.nu/r15q
  Replies (1) Good night (391) Bad night (204)

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