Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.

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  (814): i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe. (1-814): compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible. http://tfl.nu/koli
  Replies (16) Good night (948) Bad night (3956)
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  (916): View more from California

  i think i have herpe

  (1-916): View more from California

  just one?

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  (916): i think i have herpe (1-916): just one? http://tfl.nu/e1l6
  Replies (32) Good night (1258) Bad night (4691)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..

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  (610): question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused.. http://tfl.nu/1zv2
  Replies (42) Good night (789) Bad night (4512)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.

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  (269): I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience. http://tfl.nu/m1cq
  Replies (29) Good night (1219) Bad night (6601)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.

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  (618): he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/b942
  Replies (12) Good night (5204) Bad night (1142)
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  (716): View more from New York

  She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met

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  (716): She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met http://tfl.nu/xjfv
  Replies (10) Good night (857) Bad night (4693)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?

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  (412): turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's? http://tfl.nu/akbw
  Replies (4) Good night (2641) Bad night (857)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.

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  (970): Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate. http://tfl.nu/9f37
  Replies (6) Good night (3502) Bad night (1382)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?

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  (423): I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I? http://tfl.nu/fiqy
  Replies (5) Good night (2720) Bad night (1157)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards

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  (301): so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards http://tfl.nu/20k7
  Replies (11) Good night (2220) Bad night (606)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.

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  (270): Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together. http://tfl.nu/2jfm
  Replies (7) Good night (2312) Bad night (718)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.

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  (512): Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery. http://tfl.nu/4491
  Replies (4) Good night (1291) Bad night (749)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.

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  (202): i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy. http://tfl.nu/piez
  Replies (6) Good night (785) Bad night (400)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  It has heated floors

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  (574): Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom? (1-574): It has heated floors http://tfl.nu/xj5h
  Replies (4) Good night (1709) Bad night (397)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist

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  (229): I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist http://tfl.nu/lub5
  Replies (0) Good night (515) Bad night (209)

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