also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
