We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
