I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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