when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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