I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
