She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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