I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
