i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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