We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
this is an emotional support booty call
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
