do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
