Your face is a jimmy john
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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