It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
