Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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