dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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