he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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