I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
