I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
