Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
