so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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