i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
