Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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