Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
