Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize