I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
