So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
