genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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