You just made me feel so damn special
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
