if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
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Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
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She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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