A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
