I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it was like having sex with a tree stump
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
