there's paper in my vomit.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
