I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
