I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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