gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
