this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
