Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
