Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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