I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
