why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
