She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
