i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
sarcasm needs its own font
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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