He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
