first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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