He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
