I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize