I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
