U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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