Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
