She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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