Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
